How I’ve grown old.
“Let me ask you?” she asked with a smile.
“Yes…”
“How would you describe New York in a word?”
“Energy, I guess. And you?” I responded
“Opportunity!” she said.
We thought our answers were accurate but maybe too predictable. A bit of silence followed, I never really notice silence; I feel that silence is just silence unless you start thinking about it. She broke it with: “Why didn’t anyone tell us that this time will be so hard,” she said looking tired as if the words had real weight.
“It no longer surprises me, it hasn’t failed to get harder as I’ve gotten older, almost exponentially,” I said wishing I could retract the word exponentially.
“I guess you’re right, the thing is it all got so much harder when I finished school and came here,” she kind of complained.
“What I find hard is forgetting things, there is more and more to remember, and I feel my memory is growing distant, I’ve already forgotten so much, what if I’ve forgotten the most important thing?”
She laughed: “Jesus, how old are you?”
“It’s true though, as you go on you lose things, you lose the ability to feel things for the first time, you lose that virginal sense of life”
She brought an imaginary cigarette to her lips and inhaled theatrically “You think too much dear, you should be careful to not constipate yourself with introspection,” she exhaled, “What is it you think you’re
forgetting?”
“How to have fun. It’s become harder; I don’t recollect having this issue at the age of 7,” I responded.
“Well that is why we drink Dariusz,” she said bringing the glass of dark red wine to her mouth.
“Indeed,” I said.
“But don’t you feel you live more passionately now? Aren’t you more desirous of everything?” She inquired.
“Yes, I burn burn burn like a fabulous roman candle, but there is no center light popping and no one is going ‘Aww’,” I say thinking myself clever for referencing Kerouac, then quickly thinking I’m a pretentious asshole. “Sorry, that was from a quote” I said sheepishly.
“I like it,” she said and looked away.
Silence
San Francisco office window
Night view from San Francisco office - Tron
Nun's Island Esso Station Designed by Mies Van Der Rohe
Laika - many hours of caffeinating and reading
A loft space filled with friends and smoke
A loft space filled with friends and smoke pt2
Jesse
My view for the greater part of my current life
A first smoke
Wine and Michael
Favorite nyc bookstore
